OH mother

I traveled on a train, a thousand miles away to the town i left behind. The call came in the middle of the night, but the stars were not shining and the moon was dark. The voices bubbled with sympathy, but not understanding. the silence stabbed and the unasked questions accused. The hidden guilt that lay like a brick in the stomach, melted and seeped out. Bags packed and waiting by the door, feet unable to move, heart longing to pretend it never happened, but the guilt kept choking kept drownding me. I stepped onto the soil and the roots of my childhood dug deep into the ground. The flame of memories burning my eyes. Drooping trees and broken buildings called out forced greetings and false hospitatlity. I was unwelcome in the cradle. People stared out from windows, talked in whispers. "Shes back, Shes back." Eyes asking "Why'd she run?" Holding myself back from disappearing. Feet anchored on the ground. The road pleaded me to follow it and never look back. Big white house, shudders cemented shut. Yard unruly how it had always been. Oh mother Oh mother songs swimming through my head, children teasing. The daughter of the town lunatic. Eyes always black with rage and confusion. But mostly love. The love of a mother for her child. Suffocating, hands incapable of caring, mind incapable of understanding. Too much. To run was the only option. Now sleep mother, in the ground where you always used to lie and watch they sky. sleep, in the earth that always dirtied your hands. The smile, sunshine spilling out of your heart. To fly far away from the nest of thorns. Oh mother do forgive, these hands, this mind. I was really the lunatic.